Never Steady, Never Still

My first child died inside me, inside my swollen womb
The doctor said it was her heart, it wasn't growing like it should've
My mom said to me then that death is not cruel, death is a gift from god, just as life is.
I told mom i wasn't so sure about god.
And then there was ed, the still babe held tight to his chest
he looked thin and pale as the underside of a leaf
And I knew then that it must have been my heart
that could not fill her heart properly
'cause I can see her tiny fist between the folds of the cloth
and I know she was anything but weak.